So Much Drama And Very Little Progress

The left side of your brain is like a calculator. It figures things out. It presents a logical solution thru analyzing data. In other words, your left brain thinks, thinks, thinks, and when you’re ready to go to sleep, it continues thinking. It does not stop thinking, It does not stop analyzing.

The right side of your brain reacts on intuition. It analyzes this same data, but with the consideration of what is important to you. Your right brain is emotional and affected. This is why I cry when I watch superhero movies and why other people cry when they hold their baby for the first time. 

In most situations, we rely on our left brain to tell us what actions need to be taken. Other times, what we feel weighs so much heavier than what we know. We become dominated by our emotions. 

Two weeks ago, I knew that the right thing to do, the logical thing to do, was keep my job that pays a decent wage.  Fall in line, follow my bosses orders, rearrange my life, set aside my passions, change my goals, and direct my attention to being better at my role there. Dictate more time working in the office and connecting with with my peers. 

Yet I also knew that the headaches, I got only while I was working, would persist. I was afraid that if I put work/money before my passions [again] I would totally lose myself and never take a step in the direction that I ultimately wanted to go. I wanted nothing more than to move back home to California and work on my goals, but fear of being unemployed dominated my every thought. 

Moments like this is when we must listen to our right brain. It knows your purpose. It nags you each time you go off course. It plants seeds of desire in your heart and reminds you that you do not have all the time in the world to care for and help them grow. Your left brain says ‘That’s right. You don’t have time to grow cute little flowers. You have to go to work on someone else’s farm, tend to their crops, feed their animals, and make sure that their property flourishes. Then after they reward you with not even a fraction of their profits, you may tend to your cute little flowers, but not for too long because you have to get up early in the morning and do it all over again.’ 

This becomes a cycle. You exert all of your energy maintaining someone else’s farm until you have no strength available to tend to your little garden.  Nothing will change, no progress will be made, and you start to forget about those seeds. 

However, your right brain won’t forget. It will nag you. You will never find peace until the nagging stops. The nagging wont stop until you tend to those seeds it planted and you grow your garden. Your right brain is smart. When it knows you are ignoring the nagging, it will cause a physical nagging, so to speak. Such as my headaches. A few years ago, I hated my job at Apple with a deep passion. I hated going to work. Then I broke my ankle and was ordered by my doctor to stay off my feet for 3 months. That meant to could not work. I think I had the best NYC summer that year. When the doctor said I could go back to work again, I think I lasted two weeks before my ankle began throbbing again. My body simply refused to allow me to work there. When I recognized this, I quit.

As a result, I found a job that I did not hate, one that employed happy people, and would allow me to pursue my goals while still maintaining their farm.  Unfortunately, they are growing at a rapid pace and becoming more corporate. Becoming similar to what I experienced at Apple, who is a very controlling and cultish employer. 

Two weeks ago I decide I was not going to work on someone else’s farm or devote all of my time and energy towards maintaining another man’s dream. Instead, I am focused on own dreams and passions. I am singing my song and not somebody else’s. I am tending to my garden full-time. No more pounding headaches. No more fear. It is only a matter of time before my flowers begin to flourish.