My Constants

Tormented by everything I surround myself with
A constant reminder of all the things I neglect 

I wait everyday for tiny a bit of inspiration
But all I get are lists of more obligations

Anxiety whispers in my ear late into the night
Tossing and turning, no position feels right

Like magic, all my hope vanishes
And my eyes adjust to the darkness

Black and white keys stare at me like constant reminder
Of the many the dreams I had when life was kinder

Dangerous thoughts drip and drip like a broken faucet
Trying to hold it together, but I am so fucking exhausted

Misery rocks me like a bully for no apparent reason
I can’t keep fighting off these invisible demons

My only escape, all that is left of me, I find on the dance floor
Never ready to go back, I let Molly lead me through another door

Catching the rhythm seems to be is our only mission
And wherever we end up, I am person with no ambition

Falling somewhere unreachable, determination lays dormant
Sleep during the day to avoid being constantly disappointed

I have constant nightmares where I am a ship lost at sea
Always alone, waiting for someone to come rescue me

And to no surprise, help never arrives
At this point, I don’t even care if I survive 

They say be happy with what you have
But all I have are all my constants 

Constantly struggling to make ends meet
Constantly questioning my sexuality
Constantly never funny enough for UCB
Constantly wondering why he chose her instead me
Constantly yearning for black lives to matter eventually
Constantly afraid that I’ll always be this lonely

These are my constant adversities
They ground me like a bird with broken wigs
A constant reminder of who I used to be

The girl who is always smiling
The artist who never stops creating
The friend who buys everyone a drink
The soul and life of a party
The ear when you need to be heard
The fighter who stands for the fallen

This are all of my constants…

PoetryMarcella RileyComment