Morning Page (12/21/12)

If you're an artist or a performer of some sort, you may be familiar with a book called "The Artist's Way". If you've never heard of this book before, you should check it out.

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While reading this book, you're supposed to wakeup every morning and write a page of whatever comes to mind. As I was updating my site, this site, I came across a morning page that I'd like to share with you. When I wrote this, I had gone back home to California for the holidays.

Perhaps you can relate to how I felt on the day that the world was supposed to end.... enjoy 😎

Today the world is supposed to end. Sadly, I wish it were true. Life is so hard and confusing. I don’t know what to do or what I am doing wrong.

It’s endless. I love this sun though. Today I will go to the beach. If the world does end today, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

I get distracted so easily.

30 Rock had there rap party last night. I never reached my goal to be on an episode. Why?

I started working at the Bill Cunningham Show. I never believed in myself. I am always focused on money and getting more of it. The reasons can go on. I’m not good enough. But maybe I actually am good enough.

Fear has taken over me. My voice has been silenced. I want to be heard. But I have nothing to say.... I want to be known, but I don’t stand out.

What’s my new goal? New plan? I have always wanted to do commercial work so that I can have money and not worry about having a day job. And focus on filming all of my ideas.

That’s not a bad plan. I don’t think. But I need an agent. I need to audition. I need to be in New York....I think. Most commercials are filmed there. I think.....

The thing is, that I feel like I don’t know anything. What do I do. It’s not like I want to be a doctor and the map is pretty clear. Straight forward. Or maybe for acting, it is just as clear and straight forward as being a doctor. It’s just a different map. A map I have not found yet. Or I overlooked.

I am happy to be home. It would help to have my driver’s license and a car. And my own place to live. And my cat. I miss Noonie.

That’s another reason why I have to go back to nyc. But I could just go to pick her up and then come back SoCal.

I want to be able to use my UCB scholarships here in LA. Really it just sounds like I want to move back home to LA.

I keeping thinking “How do I make more money”. I should be thinking “How do I service people better?”

Maybe that’s it.

I keep lowering my price. What if I raise it? That does not seem to make much sense.

So today is the end of the world according to some dumb fuck.... I’m going to the beach
— M